


Chasing Pavements

by tabula_rasa



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:32:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabula_rasa/pseuds/tabula_rasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite Violet's attempts to quell her feelings for her best friend, certain events occur that threaten everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clocks

**Author's Note:**

> **Important:** This story is taking place in present day, and I have changed Tom's age to 21 to fit that. Violet is also 21.

The first time Violet saw Tom she thought he was this nerdy looking string bean with curly blonde hair. It didn’t take long for the people in her dorm at NYU to spread the news that he was English, straight from Britain with an adorable accent.

The first time that Violet and Tom actually talked occurred when they were both moving in freshman year, both on the fifth floor of Weinstein Hall. She was getting off of the elevator with a box of her books and had just arrived at the door of her room when the bottom fell out, sending her books crashing to the floor loudly.

“You have got to be kidding me,” she had mumbled to herself, staring down at the pile, feeling her face heating up. She glanced around, somewhat worried that people would now remember her as the girl who dropped all of her shit in the hallway. Realizing that no one was paying attention and that no one actually cared, she quickly bent over and picked up several of the books into her arms before opening the door to her room. She brought a few inside and set them on her desk and went out to collect more, and saw the curly blonde hair of someone picking up her books.

“Did you drop these?” he asked, glancing up at her, all blue eyes that temporarily made her forget how to speak.

“Yeah,” she cleared her throat. “My box broke.”

He stood up, a few of Violet’s books in his hands. He was taller than her and she found herself looking up at him wondering just how tall he actually was. 

“Are you a Shakespeare fan?” he asked, staring intently into her eyes.

“What?”

He held up her copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ and she felt her cheeks redden.

“I know it’s cheesy, but _Romeo and Juliet_ is my favorite of his plays,” she answered, clearing her throat again.

“Not cheesy,” he responded, grinning at her. “I’m actually quite partial to _Othello_ , though.”

“I actually haven’t read that one,” Violet answered, bending down to pick up a few more books.

“I would definitely recommend it, then. Would you like some help with these books?”

“That would be great, thanks,” she replied, carrying more books into her room. 

Between the two of them, it didn’t take long to bring the books into Violet’s room. 

“You have a lot of books,” he commented when they were finished.

“I like to read,” she replied, smiling at him. “By the way, I don’t think I ever got your name.”

“I’m Tom,” he said, smiling back as he offered her his hand to shake. “And you?”

“Violet. My name’s Violet.”

\---

It was a week until the beginning of her senior year and she had just finished bringing boxes and furniture up into the small, but cozy apartment her and Tom had managed to find near the NYU campus that also wasn’t outrageously expensive. Her parents had just left, her mom almost in tears about how much of an adult Violet had become. She would have laughed at the fact, but she also felt like crying herself. It felt like freshman year all over again, being in a new setting and having to find your own way around. 

She and Tom had responsibilities now, they had both managed to find some part time jobs to help pay for bills and groceries. Even though they were on their own in their own apartment, they still weren’t _technically_ on their own. Both of their parents were helping out with rent. They had both somehow ended up with parents who were fortunate enough in their own lives to be able to afford the additional fees that having an apartment would cost.

For an hour after her parents left, Violet spent the time unpacking and organizing her own bedroom. Tom’s stuff had arrived to the apartment last week and the boxes were piled into the middle of what would most likely be their living room.

When it was time, she left the apartment and headed to the nearest subway to catch a train to get to LaGuardia airport where she would be picking up Tom. She walked fast, her head buzzing with the excitement of being back in the city, as well as knowing that soon she and Tom would be reunited. They always stayed in touch over the summer, but it just wasn’t the same when they couldn’t be in the same room as the other. That’s the problem when your best friend lives across an ocean.

Unfortunately the subway didn’t go directly to LaGuardia, so Violet took a taxi the rest of the way. When she arrived at the airport, she had twenty minutes until Tom’s flight would arrive, which gave her time to find the gate that Tom would be exiting from. She tried sitting, but she couldn’t stop fidgeting and soon decided it would be best to just stand. She continued to check her watch and when she heard the announcement that his flight had arrived she could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

When the people started pouring in she kept her eyes on the lookout for curly blonde hair. She was shocked however when she did spot Tom to see that his hair was darker, brown rather than blonde, and gone were the familiar curls. She couldn’t help but think that he looked handsome with the tamed, brown hair. Not that he hadn’t been handsome before…He just looked more grown up.

Once she had recovered from her shock over Tom’s changed appearance, she ran toward him and when he spotted her approaching he grinned at her. Before he could give her a proper hello, Violet had launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug.

“Missed me?” Tom asked, laughing at her.

“So much!” Violet exclaimed, pulling away from him and smiling up at him. “And what did you do to your hair?”

“I could ask the same of you,” he said, tugging on a lock of her hair. “You’re blonder than the last time I saw you.”

“I guess we both missed each other so much that we had to have the other’s hair color,” she teased.

“That must be it,” he said, laughing again. “Now, I need to get my suitcase and then can we get lunch? Preferably some pizza.”

[center][img] http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q535/poptartsftw/dividers/divider40.png[/img][/center]

After an early dinner, and after Tom had taken a nap (in Violet’s bed since his wasn’t set up yet) the two worked on getting Tom’s things sorted and out of the living room. When they had set up the furniture where they wanted it, and had gotten their TV set up, they decided that they were done for the day.

“What should we do now?” Tom asked.

“Movie?”

“Yes!” Tom answered. Violet left the living room to go to her room and pick out a movie. She came back out with her copy of _Sleepy Hollow_ and a bottle of wine.

“Look what else I have!” Violet held up the bottle of wine with a smile on her face. “I thought we’d enjoy something classy in our new apartment.”

She plopped down beside Tom on the couch, handing him the DVD case; she’d let him set the movie up.

“Question is, are you going to drink it classily?” Tom asked, putting the movie in the DVD player and turning the TV on. He went back to the couch and sat down, watching Violet struggling with a corkscrew to get the bottle open.

“Definitely not,” she answered with a laugh. Finally the cork came out with a pop and Violet cheered at her accomplishment. She brought the bottle to her lips and drank a mouthful of wine before passing the bottle to Tom.

“Bottoms up,” he said, before drinking.

\---

When the movie was over and the bottle of wine was empty, Tom and Violet sleepily went to their rooms with a “goodnight” and a quick hug.

As Violet was laying her bed trying to fall asleep, she realized her pillow and sheets smelled like Tom and she buried her face in them, breathing deeply. God, she had missed him. Sure, she had admitted to herself that it was difficult being so far away over the summer because they were each other’s best friend…but if she was being completely honest the only reason it was so difficult to be apart for him was because at some point over the three years they had known each other, Violet had fallen head over heels in love with Tom. 

Every day she wished she had the courage to tell him, to utter those three simple words that really weren’t all that simple. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that it would blow up in her face and she would end up heartbroken and alone…

She sighed and rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling, imagining telling Tom her feelings and having things go well.

Finally, she rolled onto her side, breathing in Tom’s scent through her nose, and fell asleep, dreaming always of him.


	2. Wake Me Up

When Violet woke up the next morning and smiled when the smell of pancakes hit her full on. It was kind of a tradition that the morning after her and Tom were finally reunited they would have pancakes. They would either make the tasty breakfast item themselves or go to one of the good diners they knew of. 

Tom was just setting two plates stacked high with pancakes onto their small kitchen table when she stumbled out of her room.

“When did you find the time to go get some groceries?” she questioned, noticing it was only 10 in the morning.

“I got up early and grabbed the breakfast essentials,” Tom answered, smiling at her. “We’ll have to go get more later unless we want to live on pizza and Chinese for the rest of the year.”

Violet sat down and Tom put a mug of coffee in front of her, already made the way she liked it (light and sweet).

“Did I ever mention that you’re the best?” Violet grabbed the maple syrup from the center of the table and poured enough to drown the pancakes on her plate.

“You may have mentioned it a few times,” he responded, sitting across from her. “Though I wouldn’t mind if you said it more.”

Violet laughed and took a bite of her pancakes, groaning as she chewed.

“Did I also ever mention that you make the best pancakes?” Tom laughed and began eating his own breakfast. 

“So what’s the plan for today?” Violet asked after a few minutes. “Should we continue unpacking first, or go grocery shopping? Obviously you’ve found and unpacked most of the kitchen stuff.”

“Actually, I may have to put off unpacking and shopping just for a few hours,” Tom answered, swallowing a few sips of his own coffee (black). “Sophie called this morning and wants to see me for a little bit.”

“Oh okay,” Violet answered, setting her fork down to drink some of her own coffee. She forced a smile. “That’s fine.”

“You understand right?” he questioned, looking slightly concerned. “I would wait until at least tomorrow or later tonight, but she’s insisting. And you know how she can get sometimes.”

“Yeah, of course. It’s fine.”

“Now you’re the best,” Tom said, smiling at her. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

Violet smiled at him even though inside she wanted to yell or cry or hit something. She liked to forget about Sophie as much as possible. It wasn’t easy being best friends with someone you loved who also happened to have a gorgeous girlfriend, who was typically all aspects of the word sweet. But anyone (except maybe Tom) could see how fake she could be. 

Violet could easily recount many a time when Sophie would hang out with her and Tom and make comments about how Violet should get out there and find a boyfriend as well as the occasional dirty look aimed at Violet behind Tom’s back. 

Of course, Violet had had several boyfriends. She tried dating and all of that, but it never worked out. She would think things might work out with whatever guy she was seeing, but it wouldn’t be long until she was comparing them to Tom… and well, no one ever measured up to it. She really tried not to do it, but it was hard when she was around Tom so much. 

They ate the rest of their breakfast making small talk about things they wanted to get done in the apartment as well as whatever they may have forgot to mention during their conversations over the summer. There weren’t many secrets between the two. They were, for the most part, comfortable with being honest with each other.

Violet valued that honesty, of course, but telling your best friend that you are in love with them wasn’t something that would be taken lightly. Sometimes she thought about telling him, but most of the time she figured that it would just mess up their friendship, and honestly, it was their friendship that Violet valued more than anything else.

\---

After Tom left to meet up with Sophie, Violet cleaned up their dishes from breakfast before starting to unpack some things. She didn’t do much though, wanting to wait for Tom’s opinion before putting things in specific places. 

Violet called the cable and internet company that she and Tom had agreed on and the guy on the phone said they should be able to stop by before the end of the week to connect their service. 

With not much else to do, Violet grabbed a spare blanket from her room and her DVD copy of _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_ and curled up on the couch to watch it. When it was over she decided to go walk around outside and find some place to grab a quick lunch.

She easily found a nearby deli and ordered a sandwich which she quickly ate at a small table in the corner of the store. On her way back to the apartment, Violet stopped a few stores and browsed around, not really looking at anything.

When she got back to the apartment she was happy to see that Tom was back, sitting on the couch, a book clutched in his hands. He looked up when she entered and smiled. 

“Go off on an adventure?” he questioned, marking his place in the book and setting it down on the coffee table.

“Not really an adventure,” Violet answered going to sit next to him. “Just grabbed a quick bite to eat and stopped in a few nearby stores. How was Sophie?”

“Really good,” he said. “We hung out at her place and then got some lunch as well. Not very eventful.”

“I called the people for internet and cable and they said they should be able to stop by before the end of the week,” Violet said after a moment.

“Wonderful,” Tom said, standing up and stretching. “Shall we try and finish unpacking now?”

“Probably,” Violet said. Tom offered her his hand and pulled her up off the couch when she took it. She gestured to the boxes that were still unopened. “I can’t wait till we’re done with all of this.”

“Me too,” he said. Tom pulled open one of the boxes and pulled out a few of the items. “Oh, by the way, Sophie invited both of us to some beginning of the school year party that one of the other theater majors is throwing this Friday.”

“Where is it?”

“Some house in Long Island,” he said. “Sophie gave me the address.”

“Sure,” Violet said, thinking it might be a good idea to do some socializing. Maybe she could try and meet some semi-decent guy there who she would definitely compare to Tom, but could at least put up with. “Let’s go.”


	3. Summertime Sadness

Tom and Violet arrived at the party about an hour later than they planned. Tom had sent Sophie several texts letting her know they were coming and what time to expect them, and then about the delays and all he had gotten in response from her after all of that was a simple smiley face.

The house at the party was being held at was huge and on the beach. Obviously whoever lived there was rich—well, their parents were rich. When they entered the house (without knocking, because really, what was the point?) their ears were assaulted by a loudly playing Ke$ha song that was coming into the upper levels of the house from an open door that most likely led to the basement. 

Violet peeked through the door seeing flashing lights illuminating the bottom steps and she ascertained that if someone were looking for a place to dance, that would be it. Violet glanced over at Tom who was on his phone, probably shooting off another text to Sophie. This house was huge and she was sure it would be a bit difficult to find one another.

Not far into the house, Tom recognized someone he knew—Kyle, another theater major. Violet watched in amusement as they gave each other one of those “bro hugs,” before Kyle made gestures that indicated getting drinks and Violet pushed at Tom to follow him. Tom hesitated a moment to turn and laugh at her and she just rolled her eyes and pushed him again. 

In the kitchen it was a bit quieter, though you could still hear the music in there. It just wasn’t deafening. 

“So who’s your friend, Tom?” Kyle asked, looking over Violet. She had decided on wearing a periwinkle blue dress with a white lace overlay on the top. She was aware it made her boobs look good.

“Oh, this is Violet,” he said, not even noticing that Kyle was obviously checking her out. He was checking his phone again. “Violet, this is Kyle.”

“Nice to meet you,” he said, smiling at her. “How about a making new friends shot?”

“Yes, please,” Violet said, smiling back at him. Just because she was in love with Tom didn’t mean she couldn’t flirt with other guys. She needed some way to distract herself from the fact that Tom would probably notice her in the way that other guys did.

“Violet, I’m going to go see if I can find Sophie,” Tom said to her as she watched Kyle snag three clean shot glasses and a bottle of vodka.

“Wait,” she said, grabbing his arm before he could walk away. “Just do one shot, and then I’ll let you go.”

“Fine,” he said, laughing at her. 

They moved to the island in the center of the kitchen and Kyle set down the shot glasses before filling each one to the brim. Carefully, they each picked up their own.

“To a great year!” Kyle said, smiling at the two of them before they carefully clinked their glasses together and each threw back their shots.

As soon as Violet was done she slammed the glass down in front of her, making a face as the liquor burned its way into her stomach. After taking a few seconds to recover, she turned to Tom who was of course checking his phone.

“Okay,” she said. “You can go find Sophie now if you want.”

“You’ll be okay without me?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’ve got Kyle here to keep me company.”

Kyle wrapped an arm around Violet’s shoulders.

“Don’t worry, Tom,” he said. “She’s in good hands.”

\---

Tom left the kitchen just as Kyle began pouring another shot for him and Violet. He wasn’t sure exactly he was going to find Sophie. The house was huge and she wasn’t returning any of his texts. If he was lucky, he could find someone he knew who might have seen Sophie.

He wasn’t even going to bother going into the basement. It was already dark down there, and chances were that it was quite crowded and he knew that Sophie didn’t like to be crammed into a room with too many people. Near the stairs leading to the second floor he saw someone he and Sophie would hang out with some times, Jane. She smiled when she saw him.

“Hey Tom!” she said.

“Hey,” he replied. “Have you seen Sophie?”

“I think she went up there a little bit ago,” she said, pointing at the ceiling.

“Thanks, Jane,” he said. He took a deep breath and headed up the stairs. 

Anyone who had to go searching for the girlfriend on an upper floor of a house should just know it isn’t going to go well. It definitely wasn’t helping the feeling in his gut that was telling him that something was off.

He was surprised to see that there were quite a few people in the hallway, some looking as if they were waiting in line for the bathroom and others just hanging around.

“Tom!” he turned and saw Jeremy, one of Violet’s old boyfriends behind him. He was a nice enough guy, but according to Violet they just didn’t mesh well together. “What’s up? Is Violet here?”

“Hey, yeah, she’s downstairs,” he said. “Have you seen Sophie by any chance?”

“You’re still with Sophie?” Jeremy asked, eyes widening slightly. Tom just nodded and Jeremy shook his head before pointing to a closed door at the end of the hallway. “I think she’s in there.”

“Thanks Jeremy,” Tom said, turning and heading to the door. He knew people were watching him as he stood just outside the door, trying to decide if he should just open it.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to even see what was going on behind there. He almost just wanted to turn around and head back downstairs, take a few more shots with Violet and wait for Sophie to find him with some excuse that her phone was on silent. 

But he didn’t really want to be that guy who lived a lie, pretending that everything in his life was fine. He didn’t want to be the guy who knew his girlfriend was cheating on him and did nothing about it. Either way, he would hurt. There was no avoiding it.

His hand was on the doorknob, turning it carefully before he could change his mind. When the door was open all the way, he froze for just a moment before backing up a bit, placing a hand over his mouth as he tried to remain calm.

A moment later, some guy Tom didn’t recognize ran out of the room in his underwear, his clothes and shoes balled together between his hands. Once he was gone, Tom quickly entered the room and closed the door, watching as Sophie straightened the short red dress she was wearing and ran a hand through her disheveled hair.

“I thought you were going to be late,” she said quietly, as if it was his own fault for finding her like this. He leaned against the closed door as she sat on the bed in front of him.

“I was late,” he said. “Only an hour late. I’ve been texting you.”

He watched as she got off of the bed and picked up her phone from a nearby dresser. She turned it on and scrolled through all the texts he had sent. She shut it off again, but kept it in her hand as she looked at him.

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

Tom shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Why did you do this Sophie?” he asked. He heard her sigh, and he looked up to see that she was staring at her feet.

“It’s just… It’s just difficult when you live so far away,” she said. “I need someone who will be here for me all the time.”

“Well you should have thought about that before you picked a boyfriend who lives across a bloody ocean!” he exclaimed.

“I didn’t think it would be this hard,” she replied. “I love you, Tom. This hasn’t been easy for me.”

“And what about me?” he questioned. “Am I supposed to just accept that you sleep around with other guys because you can’t handle being apart from me for a few months?”

She didn’t say anything.

“I hope you’re happy,” he said angrily. “I hope whoever that guy was lives nearby so he can be there for you.”

He left the room quickly, not caring that everyone was now staring. He didn’t know what to do in this type of situation. Suffice it to say that he had never had a relationship end because of cheating before. 

Tom thought maybe he could get Violet and they could leave, but when he returned to the kitchen, she wasn’t there. The bottle of vodka was, though.

\---

“Tom?” He opened his eyes slowly and smiled up at Violet when he saw her hovering over him. Kyle was beside her, looking down at him with concern.

“Is he okay?” Kyle questioned.

“I’m fine,” Tom slurred slightly. “Just tired.”

“Can you stand?” Violet asked. Tom shifted forward on the couch he was sitting on and took Violet’s hand that she offered and carefully stood up. Violet carefully wrapped her arm around Tom’s waist as his arm went around her shoulders. 

As they walked outside she could tell that Tom wasn’t horribly drunk, but he wasn’t horribly sober either. They stumbled slowly to the waiting taxi and Kyle walked ahead to open the door to the backseat. Tom carefully slid inside, and everyone was surprised he didn’t hit his head.

“Thanks Kyle,” Violet said, smiling at him.

“No problem,” he said. “Text me so I know you guys made it back okay.”

“Will do,” Violet replied before leaning in to hug him.

Violet pushed Tom to move as she got into the taxi.

“Shove over, lightweight,” she said. Tom laughed and told her to shut up.

\---

They both managed to make it up to their apartment and Violet helped Tom into his room. He kicked off his shoes and fell onto his bed. Violet kicked off her own shoes and climbed in next to him.

“Is there a reason I found you asleep on a couch by yourself?” she asked, watching Tom’s face carefully. His eyes were closed but she knew he was still awake.

“Sophie cheated on me,” he mumbled.

“What?” Violet said. “Why?”

“Said I live to far away.” 

Violet let out an angry breath through her nose.

“Are you okay?” she finally asked. Tom opened his eyes and looked at her. 

“I’ll be fine,” he said quietly. Violet smiled softly at him and sat up slowly, yawning.

“Want to talk about it more in the morning?” She felt the bed shift and turned to see Tom sitting up beside her.

“Violet?” he asked.

“Yeah?” she responded.

“Do you love me?” 

Violet froze, not expecting him to ask her that. 

“Of course,” she said after a moment. “You’re my best friend.”

“That’s not…” he started, but sighed. He leaned in and pressed his lips to Violet’s. It wasn’t anything that Violet had expected. His lips were cold and the kiss was quick. Blink and you missed it.

“Tom?” And then his lips were there again, desperate and there and growing warmer. Violet hesitated, then responded, and after a moment was pulling away, their faces still within reach of each other. 

His hand came up to cup her jaw gently and she could feel his breath coming in quick bursts against her lips.

“Tom…we shouldn’t… we can’t—”

“Why?” he asked, eyes open, staring deep into hers.

“I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”

“You love me right?” he questioned. She knew that he didn’t mean the love that you shared with a best friend, but a deeper love. A rawer, untamed love that consumed her. Violet had never admitted those feelings to him before, but she should have known he’d have figured it out.

“Yeah,” she finally answered in a whisper, almost choking on the words as her eyes filled with tears and her breath caught in her throat. She had never admitted it out loud to anyone before. “I just… I can’t do this if you don’t feel the same way.”

He pulled away slightly to wipe away a tear with his thumb before tucking a stray piece of her hair gently behind her ear. His fingers lingered on the side of her face before dragging them down to her neck, then her collarbone.

He didn’t answer her; only leaned in and claimed her lips with his once more. And this time Violet didn’t stop him, didn’t care if he felt the same. All that mattered right then was that Tom wanted her as more than just a friend.


	4. Hide and Seek

The usual ritual following a night of drinking in an attempt to help the inevitable hangover was to go to Tom’s and Violet’s favorite, greasy downtown diner. It was not, however, commonplace for Violet to awake in Tom’s bed, both of them naked.

Violet could just barely see in the early morning light coming in through the window in Tom’s room. She sat up carefully, trying not to wake Tom. She wasn’t exactly sure what to do at this point, but she knew the best thing would be to get out of there. 

She shivered from the cold air as she stood, gathering up her things from Tom’s floor. At the door she stopped to watch Tom, blankets pooling around his waist as he snored softly. Quietly, she left his room and immediately went to her own.

She considered putting on some pajamas and curling up in her bed, but decided to shower instead. She grabbed a towel, wrapping it around herself before heading to the bathroom.

Her stomach felt uneasy as she turned on the water. She wasn’t sure if it was from a hangover or the fact that she slept with Tom, possibly ruining their friendship. She knew she shouldn’t have let it happen. What should have been a great moment for her, only left her with uncertainty and an urge to throw up.

Tom knew that she loved him. That much was clear. But Violet still didn’t know how Tom felt. He never did actually answer her question. 

She wiped furiously at her eyes before stepping into the shower, distracted momentarily by the scalding temperature of the water.

\---

After her shower, Violet lay in her bed for a while not really knowing what else to do with herself. She thought about waking Tom up and getting their inevitable talk over with, but the pit in her stomach wouldn’t even let her get near the door to his bedroom. 

When she finally heard movement from his room, she pressed her palms to her eyes and prayed to God that somehow everything would be fine. To be perfectly honest, Violet was completely terrified of facing Tom after last night.

She heard the shower start and let out a sigh of relief knowing she had a little bit more time to prepare herself. She just didn’t know what she was preparing herself for. 

She carefully got out of bed, running a hand through her still damp hair, knowing it probably wasn’t doing too well since she had been laying on it while it was wet for so long. She picked up her brush and carefully worked out the tangles. 

When her hair felt under control, she finally faced the mirror she had hung so carefully on her wall only a week ago. Her eyes were red and her face puffy from crying. Where her neck curved toward her shoulder she could clearly see a bite mark, and she touched it gently remember how Tom had bitten her there as their bodies had come together. She shivered, remembering how much she had enjoyed the sensation.

Her eyes watered again and she stepped away from the mirror. Everything was fucked up. There was no doubt about that. Last night shouldn’t have happened—she knew that much. She just wished that that wasn’t the case.

\---

When Violet finally left her room, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt (in attempt to cover the mark on her skin) she found Tom sitting on the couch, the TV on some sitcom re-run that he obviously wasn’t watching. 

Without a word she headed to the kitchen where she turned on the coffee maker, choosing to watch her coffee brew than face Tom. She had gone over the different ways this could pan out in her head before coming out, but all the things she had thought of saying had flown out the window. Her mind was blank and all she could focus on right now was the coffee in front of her.

When it was done, she poured herself a mug, added cream and sugar. She thought of bringing Tom a mug of coffee as well but that would mean she would have to face him. She sighed quietly and sipped at her coffee before setting it down on the counter. She was purposefully not turning around to see if Tom was watching her or if he was still just staring into nothing. All she could hear was the happy conversations of those on the TV show followed by a laugh track.

“Do you want to head to the diner soon?”

Violet jumped violently and spun around, finding Tom standing in front of her now. She hadn’t even heard him come over.

“Um, yeah,” she said. “Let me just finish my coffee.”

He nodded slowly and she watched as his eyes roamed over her face. After a moment, he returned to the couch in silence. Violet let out the breath she had been holding before turning back around to grab her coffee and headed over to the couch. She drank her coffee as she stared at the television screen, but she wasn’t watching it. She could see Tom out of the corner of her eye, staring straight ahead as well. 

The thought went through her that maybe Tom didn’t remember last night, and that maybe he was afraid to ask her. 

She finished her coffee and stood up quickly, bringing her empty mug to the sink where she quickly rinsed it out and set it down.

“I’m ready,” she said. “I just have to put some shoes on.”

“Okay,” he said, shutting the TV off and standing up. 

Violet went to her room and grabbed a pair of sneakers that she quickly slipped on. She grabbed her bag and checked to make sure she had money in there. When she came back out, Tom was waiting by the door. Silently, they headed downstairs where Tom immediately hailed a taxi. 

Typically, whenever they went somewhere they would try to always take the subway, but on occasion, such as when they were hung-over, they would splurge on a cab. Though she was pretty sure her hangover had nothing to do with alcohol. 

Once in the cab Tom told the driver the address for their favorite diner and they rode in silence for a few minutes. 

“Are you okay?” Violet finally asked, figuring the way he was acting may also have to do with the fact that he and his girlfriend had just broken up last night as well. And really, how stupid could Violet be to just sleep with Tom after that had happened… He probably only needed someone to comfort him somehow and Violet was just there. She tried not to think too much about that though.

Tom looked at her and forced a smile.

“I’ll be fine,” he answered quietly. He looked down and it was silent for a moment. “Are you okay?”

Violet’s gaze met his and she knew in that moment that this would be the only acknowledgment she would get concerning what had happened last night.

“Yeah,” she said, a sad smile gracing her lips as she felt her heart sink. “I’m good.”


	5. Sleeping With a Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote this chapter a few months ago and somehow forgot to post it. Working on the next update now, so hopefully won't have to wait so long for that one!

Tom had never been in a situation such as this before, and he honestly didn’t know how to address it. And neither, it seemed, did Violet. 

Tom had awoken the morning it happened, just as Violet had been tiptoeing out of his room. His head was still swimming from the alcohol, but he knew what they had done—just not the circumstances of how it had happened.

He remembered finding Sophie, and then drinking probably more than he ever had before. He remembered bits and pieces of the trip home—getting in the taxi, Violet helping him, the feel of his lips on Violet’s… The memories were fuzzy and fragmented, but they were there.

Later, when he was in the living room, the TV blaring noisily (it was too quiet in their apartment) he had gone over and over what he could possibly say to Violet to try and remedy the situation, but when he heard her come out of her room and go into their kitchen, his mind cleared and he said nothing.

Were there words that could really fix a situation like this? And why couldn’t she say something? Why couldn’t either of them say anything?

Maybe it was their friendship—both worrying about what this change could bring, especially if they acknowledge what had happened. Maybe they were both just so uncertain, the fear of the unknown clutching at their vocal chords in an attempt to not bring it up. 

It remained unspoken.

\---

Once classes started up, Tom and Violet didn’t see each other as much. Each had their separate classes and homework assignments, study groups, rehearsals for shows…

They usually crossed paths in the morning and the evenings, occasionally having lunch together. When Tom didn’t have rehearsal for a show, they could hang out together more on the weekends. 

It didn’t take as long as either thought for things to feel normal again. They still never brought up what happened before the semester started, and it became easier for them to just pretend that it never happened.

That is, they pretended it didn’t happen until one Friday night when they broke into a couple bottles of wine, lazing around on the couch switching between watching reality TV and cheesy rom-coms.

Violet was watching one of the movies on television, lying down on the couch, her feet in Tom’s lap when she realized he was watching her. She turned her head lazily, her vision only swimming slightly from the alcohol, and she giggled when her gaze met his.

“What?” she questioned. Tom just shook his head, and smiled, looking down at his lap. Violet sighed and sat up slowly, gripping the back of the couch with one of her hands. She slid closer to Tom, placing her legs across his lap now so that she could sit more comfortably. “What’s going on?”

His blue eyes turned upward, meeting her own.

“Do you ever think about that night?”

She considered responding with a feigned, innocent, “what night?” but thought better of it.

“Sometimes,” she answered. “You?”

“Probably more than I should,” he said. “Why did you let it happen?”

Violet rolled her eyes.

“You have just as much responsibility in this as I do.”

“Sorry,” Tom said. “That came out wrong.”

“I did try and stop it,” she finally said, shrugging. “You’re very convincing.”

“Well, I am an actor,” Tom grinned at her and Violet laughed.

“I could smack you right now.” Violet raised her hand jokingly and Tom was quick to wrap his fingers gently around her wrist.

“No violence,” he said. Tom’s hand didn’t leave her wrist, and all of a sudden it was serious again. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Violet answered. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page with what happened,” Tom replied. “I just don’t want either of us to come away hurt from this, in case there were any feelings involved.”

“The only feelings I have for you are those of a best friend,” Violet lied. “I suppose this was bound to happen at some point.”

“I’m glad we feel the same way,” Tom smiled, his eyes darting to look at Violet’s lips. 

He suddenly let go of her wrist and brought his hand to the back of her head, pushing her forward as he leaned in and he kissed her, his lips pressed softly to hers for a moment. When he pulled away, Violet’s eyes were opened wide in shock.

“Sorry,” he apologized. “I just wanted to see what it was like when I’m a little more sober than the last time.”

“It’s fine,” Violet finally whispered. She smiled at him to reassure him. Inside, she was aching with the want for him to kiss her because he felt the same as her.

\---

Everything after that seemed to go back to normal, but something just seemed off.

Violet started to notice that Tom would stare at her when he thought she didn’t notice. But she noticed. She had no idea what was going on in his head, but when she found out it was safe to say she was quite surprised.

“This is going to sound completely crazy,” Tom said one evening, as they were washing their dinner dishes. “And you can just tell me no, and we can forget that I ever mentioned anything, but I think we should start sleeping together.”

Violet almost dropped the plate she was drying.

“What?”

“Hear me out,” Tom said, turning off the faucet in the sink. Violet clutched the plate tightly in her hands. “We’ve both agreed that we have no romantic feelings for each other. I’m recently single, you’re single and as far as I can tell, not looking to change that fact. Of course, we don’t have to do this, but I just think it’s something to consider.”

Violet stared at him, her mind racing, the edges of the plate pressing uncomfortably into her palms. This really should be some kind of miracle to her, but she wasn’t sure if she could handle sleeping with Tom, with no attachments, when she felt so strongly for him.

But they had already slept together once, and though it had been difficult after the fact, she wasn’t having any trouble dealing with it. Tom had returned to washing the dishes, and she watched him for a minute before making her decision.

“Let’s do it.”

The water shut off and Tom turned to her.

“What was that?” he questioned, drying his hands off on a towel.

“Let’s sleep together,” she said, watching Tom carefully. He smiled and came toward her, taking the plate from her hands and setting it on the counter.

“Shall we start now?”


	6. Collar Full

They didn’t make it out of the kitchen.

As soon as he was close enough, he lifted Violet onto the counter. Violet was staring impassively into Tom’s eyes, hands clutching his shirt at his shoulders. On the outside she looked calm and collected while on the inside she felt lightheaded and her stomach tightened in anticipation.

After that first night together she had thought that would be it. But here they were, Tom standing between her legs, his hot mouth tracing the edge of her jaw, his breathing quickening as she started to move against him.

Violet started a mantra in her head: _This is just sex. This is just sex._ But all thoughts were lost once Tom’s hands slipped under her shirt, fingers wrapping around her sides and moving upwards as he quickly removed her shirt.

She had thought that nothing would compare to that first time with Tom, but she had been so wrong. She had also believed that nothing further would come from that, and again, here she was with Tom between her legs and nothing between them and oh God, it was so great to be wrong.

The way they moved against each other, and the way Tom set Violet’s skin on fire with his touch was enough to drive all rational thoughts from her mind. All that existed in that moment was her and Tom.

Of course, once it was over and she was left suddenly cold and shivering on the counter, watching Tom walk away to grab a quick shower, reality set in and she was reminded that _this is just sex._

\---

They quickly fell into a routine, seeking each other out when one of them happened to be feeling particularly lonely, or having a bad day, or bored, or just feeling particularly lascivious.

Tom, ever courteous, would always check that Violet was still okay with their arrangement, and Violet didn’t think she would ever be strong enough to actually deny him. She was determined to enjoy this for as long as it continued.

Secretly, some evenings after Tom had left her bed and she was steadily heading towards sleep, she would imagine that Tom was developing feelings for her and that one day he would admit it to her. She’d fall asleep with a smile on her face, but in the morning cold reality would always hit her just a little bit harder.

She knew what she had gotten herself into and she also knew it was up to her to keep it under control if she wanted this to last. This new level of their relationship was by no means healthy for her, but that just wasn’t something Violet was ready to accept.

She was so acutely aware of how toxic this relationship was becoming for her every time she was somewhere with Tom and she caught him staring at another girl or flirting with someone at a party who was infinitely better looking than she was. Jealousy would flow through her veins in a way she had never experienced before.

She almost hated the way she reacted now. This jealous part of her that was beginning to rear its ugly head was a part of her she had never thought that she had. And despite the beginnings of self loathing growing within her caused by these sudden feelings of jealousy and rage, she couldn’t help but smile triumphantly at the ceiling when Tom went home with her and fucked her into his mattress.

\---

Violet knew she wouldn’t always be victorious when it came to Tom, though. 

They were at a party about a month after this had all begun when Violet saw the possibility of this all ending for her. She had been chatting with a few people she knew from one of her classes when she spotted Tom talking to none other than Sophie. 

She immediately felt the blood rushing in her ears which she had come to recognize as her jealousy. In an attempt to regain some control, she took a few deep breaths, trying to focus on what the people around her were talking about.

_Nothing is going to happen with them,_ she reassured herself. _Sophie cheated on him. He wouldn’t go back to her._

“The class is such bullshit,” Tara, one of the girls in her class, was saying. “All the professor does is read off the power point. I’m not paying for something I could easily just do on my own.”

Violet nodded her head, trying so hard to focus and show that she was listening, but it was becoming increasingly hard to do so, when Sophie seemed to be moving closer and closer to Tom. She envisioned herself going over there and throwing her fist right in Sophie’s smug little face, imagining the satisfactory feeling it might bring her. 

Violet sighed and shut her eyes momentarily, trying to calm herself. She had never felt this strongly about actually harming someone—it was such a sure sign of how her jealousy was getting out of hand. What if she ever acted on these impulses? Of course, she also figured hurting Sophie in some way wasn’t such a bad idea. Sophie had cheated on Tom, after all. She had it coming.

As soon as she thought it, Violet wished she could take it back. It wasn’t up to her to get some kind of petty revenge on Tom. He could take care of himself. He was smart.

But then, why was Tom following her upstairs?

The jealous rage returned and she excused herself from her classmates, making a bee line for the kitchen. She needed to get her shit together. She wasn’t with Tom. They could do whatever they wanted, and if what they wanted was to hook up on cheating exes, so be it.

Violet poured herself a shot and quickly threw it back, promptly pouring herself another.

“Woah, easy with the shots there.”

Violet turned and glared at Kyle who had somehow managed to find her and took the second shot, savoring the burn of the liquor as she swallowed it. He smiled and grabbed another shot glass and set it next to the one she was using.

“I was just kidding,” he said, laughing. “Pour me one?”

She filled their shot glasses and they each picked up their own, clicking the glasses together carefully before downing their contents. Kyle made a face and set the glass on the counter between them.

“So, is there a reason you just took three shots right in a row?” he asked, picking up the bottle to refill his own glass.

“I had the sudden urge to get incredibly intoxicated,” Violet replied, taking the bottle out of his hands to refill her shot glass as well.

“Well, you came to the right place,” Kyle said, holding up the shot glass. They took their shots and Violet’s head was starting to swim as the alcohol took effect. “So, tell me. Is there a reason why you never called me?”

Violet shrugged.

“I’ve been busy.”

“If you say so,” he said, smiling at her. “I’m sure you’ll be calling me before you know. There’s something between us. I can feel it.”

“You sound so sure,” Violet said, laughing, Tom temporarily forgotten.

“Oh, I am,” he replied. Violet swayed slightly and set a hand on the counter to steady herself.

“I shouldn’t have taken all those shots,” she said, pushing the liquor bottle away from her.

“Ah, that’s the thing about mistakes,” Kyle said, smiling. “You don’t realize it’s a mistake until it’s too late.”

\---

Tom found Violet in a dark corner of the living room, sandwiched between the wall and Kyle. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, their hips pressed seamlessly together, and Kyle’s lips by her ear. She laughed at something he said before noticing Tom watching.

He recognized the dark look in her eyes and wondered if maybe he should just leave them alone. She pushed Kyle away gently, whispering something to him. He turned to look at Tom for a moment before turning back to Violet. He kissed her quickly before she was heading towards Tom…Well, more like stumbling. 

Tom caught her around the waist before she fell and led her outside to the waiting taxi he had called for.

Once they were inside and Tom had given the address to the driver, Violet spoke to him.

“How’s Sophie?” she slurred. Tom sighed.

“How much have you had to drink?” he countered.

“Enough. Did you manage to get your dick wet this evening?”

“Violet, don’t be so crass,” Tom replied, a hard edge to his voice.

They were quiet for a little while before Tom finally sighed, breaking the silence.

“I didn’t sleep with Sophie, if that’s what you’re thinking,” he said. “We just talked. Besides, it shouldn’t matter what I’m doing with other girls.”

“I know,” Violet said quietly after a moment. “I’m sorry.”

Tom wrapped his arm around Violet’s shoulders and pulled her closer to his side before placing a soft kiss to the top of her head.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Violet fell asleep just before they reached their apartment.


	7. The (Shipped) Gold Standard

“So I think we should talk about what happened last night.”

Violet was sitting on the couch in their living room, dealing with a pounding headache and her impatience with their coffee pot—they really should just invest in a Keurig. Tom was standing at the end of the couch, watching her carefully and waiting for some kind of response or acknowledgment.

“Can I have coffee and Advil first?” she asked, turning her head to look at him. 

“Of course,” he said, looking concerned. “I take it you’re not feeling too well?”

She shook her head and instantly regretted it. The room spun slightly and the throbbing in her head increased.

“Do you even remember what happened last night?” he questioned.

“I was a jealous bitch,” she muttered. She was worried if she didn’t keep her mouth closed for the time being she was going to throw up all over their coffee table. 

Luckily Tom seemed to understand this issue and she heard him walk away. He came back a few minutes later with two mugs of steaming coffee. He handed her one as he sat down next to her.

“You know, you might feel better if you just throw up,” he said, smiling at her. She glared in response. Tom just laughed.

\---

When Violet was finally feeling well enough to move, and maybe even eat something, she and Tom walked to one of their favorite pizza places. If Violet was going to get through whatever it was Tom wanted to talk about while hung over, she was definitely going to need at least one good slice of pizza.

Once they had found a place to sit and all that were sitting between them were the crusts of the pizza they had just eaten, Violet sick for a whole new reason other than her weak stomach. She knew she had been out of line to be mean to Tom last night. She hated to admit that Tom could and probably would finally end this friends with benefits situation sooner or later.

“I’m really sorry about last night,” she finally said, looking down at the paper plate in front of her, pushing around crumbs on it with the tip of her finger. “I was drunk, and I know that’s not an excuse, but I said things I shouldn’t have.”

“I’m glad you said them,” Tom said, and Violet looked up at him in surprise. “It’s made me aware that we need to be more careful, and maybe more straightforward with each other.”

Violet nodded her head.

Trying to change the subject, Violet asked, “Did I make out with Kyle last night? That parts a little fuzzy.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I will admit that I was a little annoyed, but I think it’s good that you’re showing interest in other guys. I say go for it, if you want. We’re not exclusive. Sophie and I are actually going to go to dinner tonight to talk about some things.”

Violet’s heart plummeted into her stomach. She, of course, hadn’t changed the subject at all but probably helped put it more on track. At least she had strayed away from an awkward conversation on why she had been so jealous last night.

“I know it’s not my place to say this, but be careful with her,” Violet finally said. “Remember, she cheated on you. As your friend, I’m kinda against girls who cheat on you… or anyone for that matter.”

This time Tom was the one looking down at his plate.

“I know,” he said after a moment. “I don’t know…I thought I loved her. Maybe I still do. I figure it wouldn’t hurt for us to at least talk it out a bit more.”

Violet swallowed the lump in her throat and collected their plates to throw out.

“Well, do whatever you think is best for you,” she said, standing up. “Let’s head back though, because I think a nap would be what’s best for me.”

\---

Violet went into her bedroom when they got back to the apartment with full intentions to take a nap, but she found she was unable to sleep. She lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling trying to wrap her mind around the fact that her arrangements with Tom might be coming to an end sooner than she had expected. 

She wasn’t sure why Tom was even bothering with Sophie—I mean what more could they possibly have to talk about? And she cheated on him. 

She hated to think it, but really, how dumb did Tom have to be to go back to someone who wasn’t able to go a few months without getting laid?

But Violet was getting ahead of herself. She didn’t know the complete details of their relationship. For all she knew, Tom might have been distant while they were apart. Still, she didn’t like the idea of them getting back together. As she often thought, she wished that Tom would just realize that Violet was all he needed.

Violet sighed and rolled onto her side and picked up her phone from the nightstand, unlocked it, and opened the messages, staring blankly at them before she finally made a decision.

She opened up a new message and selected Kyle’s number before typing out a quick text: _Want to get dinner tonight? I think you’ve earned it._

She had barely set her phone down when it vibrated and she saw Kyle had replied.

_Seriously??_

_Seriously. And I’m still hung over so I want Chinese!_

_So it’s a date?_

_It’s a date._

Violet smiled. See, that wasn’t so hard.


End file.
